MobileChelonian: February 2006

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Lego My Freedom of Speech!

Dateline: Billund, Denmark

It seems that all of Denmark is in an uproar over the controversial Mohammed cartoons that recently appeared in a Danish newspaper. Boycotts of Danish products in the Middle East and Indonesia have hurt sales of cheese, chocolate, pastries, anything that’s identifiable as traditionally Danish. Even the most innocuous of toys, Legos, are under a fatwa. Here in the United States, Lego has moved with the times, securing merchandising licenses from popular movie franchises such as Star Wars and Harry Potter. Visitors to www.lego.com can log in and custom build playsets, upload them to the company store’s website, and have them assembled and shipped. Now, in what’s surely the most audacious move for the toymaker, Lego has decided to reach out to the people who are currently burning the Danish flag and storming the embassies. Lego announced plans to immediately unveil a separate line of Legos aimed squarely at the Islamic market. The new line will feature playsets where children can build famous sites such as the Kaaba, the black stone in Medina that is the site of the annual pilgrimage for faithful Muslims the world over. Also included in the lineup is a playset featuring the Dome of the Rock, and the Mosque of the Prophet which contains the remains of Mohammed. The playsets will not feature the iconic Lego people, with yellow cylindrical heads and square bodies, as Lego’s Islamic consultants advised that their inclusion could violate a ban on idolatry, especially within the context of Islamic holy sites. “We hope this will help the situation in the Middle Eastern countries where Denmark is considered a bad word,” said Lego CEO, Kjeld Kirk Kristiansen. “We want to show that Lego is an agile, up to date company. Plus,” he added, “the Kabaa set was really easy to make. It’s basically one giant black brick”.

No Muslim leaders could be reached for comment.

Posted by Aaron at 9:26 AM | Permalink | Comments

Friday, February 24, 2006

Of all the Thompson gunners, Roland was the best

Yes, it's been a while since I posted. Yes, I've been busier than a one legged man in ass kicking contest (like that Dad?).

Philosophy class is picking up, although class is still mostly listening to the teacher rant and make fun of his students. And make racist anti-islamic comments. Given how diverse the campus is, I'm amazed someone hasn't gotten offended and complained, but tenure is a damn good bulletproof vest. Creative writing is also going well...the teacher had not much to say about that Shreveport epic-poem other than she liked it. I've signed up for a fiction workshop, for which I have to distribute a short fiction story to the entire class.

Dubai ports. US ports. Hmmm. This is all over the news right now, and it's ridiculous. Why is this an issue? hate to break it to everyone out there who still believes in Fortress America, but 95% of all the cargo vessels that come into our ports are foreign flagged, foreign owned, and have been loaded by dark people in strange countries who don't speak English. Foreign companies already run almost all of our ports, but that's OK, because British P&O is well, British. So that's OK. No radicals in Britain, right? The police shot them all.

All I'm saying is that I've actually been to Dubai, and the UAE is Western, very capitalistic, and the DOD allows 5000 sailors at a time to go ashore there and take tours, stay overnight in hotels, and walk freely. They are a part of our colaition in the Persian Gulf, and yes, it's an Arab state. So? I'm failing to see how this is going to make port security any more dangerous...DHS and the Coast Guard control security, not the port operators. What's worse is how this is making us look...we can export democracy and western society to those funny hot places where people wear robes and sandals, but by God, those creeps better not try bringing it over here. Johnny Foreigner, git out. The Democrats opposing it are scoring easy points by appearing to the right of President Bush on national defense, and the Republicans are pandering to what's left of the Pat Buchanan base who would slap tarriffs on every import and put a fence around the country. This is silly, people. Dubai Port Authority manages port facilities around the world, and obviously are good at it. Let's quit confirming other countries' opinions of Americans and actually practice some of what we preach.

End Rant.

More to follow, hopefully sooner.

Posted by Aaron at 11:57 AM | Permalink | Comments

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Prove to me that you're no fool, walk across my swimming pool

Perhaps as the previous post states, I would not fit in to Galactica at all. But damn, I love watching it. The new issue just threw 3 big curveballs in 44 minutes and resolved one of them. I hope some of you out there are watching this, because it's the best thing on TV right now. I make that statment with little to no knowledge of what's on other networks, but I feel safe saying it anyway. 'Cause Aaron Sorkin and Joss Whedon don't have anything on. So there.

I rented and watched The Constant Gardener last night. A good movie, deserving of praise, although it was a bit on the two-dimensional side in terms of how it presents The Good Guys vs The Bad Guys. The two main characters were fully realised in the script, and the acting was good (although I felt Rachel Weisz was on autopilot for a lot of it). Unfortunately, the supporting cast wasn't quite as well done, and I halfway expected the chief villian, a maniacal pharmaceutical CEO to cackle and stroke a small cat as he contemplated how Evil he was. But a good movie, worth a rent. I choked up, once or twice. I'm a man and can admit this. Because I don't think anyone's reading it anymore.

I am going to bed early, because I was up until 3:30am last night. And woke up at 8am this morning. My body hates me.

Posted by Aaron at 8:24 PM | Permalink | Comments

Friday, February 17, 2006

Shiny!

Coming on December 1, 2005:

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? The Sequel

Serenity (from Firefly)

81%

Enterprise D (from Star Trek)

75%

Moya (from Farscape)

69%

Millennium Falcon (from Star Wars)

69%

Nebuchadnezzar (from The Matrix)

63%

SG-1 (from Stargate)

63%

Galactica (from Battlestar: Galactica)

56%

Bebop (from Cowboy Bebop)

38%

Which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? v1.0
created with QuizFarm.com

Posted by Aaron at 12:31 PM | Permalink | Comments

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Creative Writing Strikes Again

The class is tomorrow, but for my valued subscribers, a sneak peek at what I'm turning in. It may be rough, it may be uninteresting, but it's On Time, which for college papers is all you need.

Where I'm From: an exploration of Shreveport, LA in 3 verses. Bass man, get us started...

Heliopolis on the Red 1836-1914

Captain Henry Miller Shreve
Cleared a logjam from the river
Cleared it, smiled, didn’t leave
Got a charter, built a city
Wild lawless, river traders
Farmers, loggers, holy rollers
Jump the state-line, hit-and-raiders
Steamboats, barges, skiffs and coalers
Brought the goods who brought the masses
Bought the Indians, fought the Yankees
Raising cattle, horses, asses
Planting crops and felling trees

Railroads On The River 1914-1994

Cotton king, but then dethroned
Smelled the oil, sank some wells
Building churches, building homes
Singing songs and spinning tales
Delta blues and country pickin’
Hot night jazz and gospel praising
Slop the hogs and mind the chickens
Tractor pullin, barns a raising
Red faced Cajuns in their pirogues
Red necked cowboys in their Chevys
Share the roads and share the bayous
Drinking beer and plugging levees
Texas oilmen fat and friendly
Baptist preachers saving sinners
Broke ass folks from Mississippi
Eat their Sunday evening dinners.

A City of Tomorrow Haunted By the Ghost of Yesterday 1994----

The city spreads beneath the pines
Swallows farms, consumes plantations
Tears away the kudzu vines
Looped by river’s undulations
Casinos float in steel gray tubs
The Bridge of Neon spans the skies
Lights the crowded bars and clubs
We hope the river doesn’t rise
We hope our levees always hold
We ain’t New Orleans den of sin
We’re fearing God and marching bold
Wait for Tomorrow, worship Back Then

Posted by Aaron at 5:56 PM | Permalink | Comments

Real News Story

MYSPACE FOR INTERNET CENSORSHIP, SURVEILLANCE

The popular teen website, Myspace.com, has agreed with a federal court order to turn over records of chat transcripts, private messages, and profile pictures in an effort to combat child pornography. A flurry of recent investigative reports in major media outlets have sparked a grassroots fire, that has been lit under Congressional representitives. The Deprtament of Justice is investigating rumors of unAmerican activity and lewd conduct over the popular site. Recently, the DOJ subpoenaed records from Google, Yahoo, and AOL for the same reasons. This new effort far outsrtips these requests, as specific people and profiles are being turned over instead of anonymous user statistics. The lack of outcry from civil rights groups is being largely chalked up to exhaustion, and the fact that Blackberry wireless devices are no longer operable. "It's harder to stay focused, on message, and react to new outrages", said one anonymous ACLU intern. "We have our hands full with these [expletive deleted] Danish cartoons." Rupert Murdoch, the media tycoon who owns Fox News and Myspace.com , was unavailable for comment. In totally unrelated news, Bill O'Reilly, popular FoxNews commentator and author, was overheard to remark, "Time to start trolling Xanga."

This Is Not A Real News Story.

but it sure could be...based off of this story and earlier reports about DOJ vs Google. And Rupert Murdoch really does own Myspace.com boys and girls. I'm waiting for the fake news stories scandal to break...maybe fake profiles of Iraqi children grateful for US troops. Or, a fake Democratic Hill-staffer posting about her sexual exploits. All you'd have to do is troll the D.C. Craigslist personal ads.

More to come, later.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Tell me more, tell me more...

FULTON, Mo. — When Wendy DeVore, the drama teacher at Fulton High here, staged the musical "Grease," about high school students in the 1950's, she carefully changed the script to avoid causing offense in this small town. She softened the language, substituting slang for profanity in places. Instead of smoking "weed," the teenagers duck out for a cigarette. She rated the production PG-13, advising parents it was not suitable for small children.
But a month after the performances in November, three letters arrived on the desk of Mark Enderle, Fulton's superintendent of schools. Although the letters did not say so, the three writers were members of a small group linked by e-mail, all members of the same congregation, Callaway Christian Church. Each criticized the show, complaining that scenes of drinking, smoking and a couple kissing went too far, and glorified conduct that the community tries to discourage. One letter, from someone who had not seen the show but only heard about it, criticized "immoral behavior veiled behind the excuse of acting out a play."

Down to the river where they caught a wild alligator...

The weekend goes too fast. I bought my Bonnaroo tickets last night...if the Navy gets in the way I'm going to be PISSED. Radiohead, Tom Petty, DCfC, Matisyahu, CYHSY, and more. The lineup is here. Started in on my Creative Writing homework assignment. The theme of the poem has to be "Where I'm From" but the interpetation of that is open. So I thought about it for a while, tried some abstract themes, (maybe, like, it's the poem writing itself, dude...wow) but I gave up, put on a Sufjan Stevens CD, and started in on an epic-poem about the history and culture of Shreveport. I'd like to hear it set to music, but maybe it's for the better. But it's interesting to me that I'm writing a song in my head, for a poetry assignment. That's never happened before. Oh well. When I see Sufjan at Bonnaroo (!) I can ask him for pointers. and recommend he do Louisiana next, in his series of US State CDs.

On my buddy Josh's recommend (one of two friends in Alaska) I picked up R. Scott Baaker's The Darkness That Comes Before. It's a fantasy novel, similar to George R. R. Martin, but instead of the War of the Roses, he's writing the Crusades, and it's GOOD. The author is working on a PhD in Philosophy at, of all places, Vanderbilt (weird how that place keeps turning up in my life). And the writing reflects that. It's very adult with philosophical issues, and damned well written. I read 150 pages in less than a day, and highly reccommend it. Check it out here.

Oh yes, and I DL'ed and watched the new BSG. Effin' brilliant. Character Death Character Death! And it was totally unexpected. So go watch it.

Oh, and I wrote a short piece about discrimination against minority Uyghur Muslims in Xianjiang, China. Because if there's anything that warrants howls, flag burnings, and political censure it's this.

Posted by Aaron at 9:36 AM | Permalink | Comments

Friday, February 10, 2006

I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine

I got the new Fiona Apple CD as a very late Christmas present from Nicole...it's perfect because I'd have never bought it, but now that I have it I'm listening to it a lot. I remember Tidal from the 90's...I liked her, but never quite got into the scene that developed around Fiona's image. Many years later, I can appreciate the music for itself without the baggage that marketers loaded her down with. Go for it. (And, no, I don't listen to "O Sailor" on repeat).

Busy week, at a new command, in a teaching job. It's now my job to help out future intel specialists and cryppies, show 'em the ropes and facilitate learning. But today, I cleaned out a locker room, which was frankly horrible. Saving the world, one damp sponge at a time. Join the Navy, kids. Here's a broom.

Er. Creative Writing. Yes. Had the first night of that class last night, and on first blush it looks to e more interesting tha Philosophy because of the class mix. I feel like an old man in PHIL 100, but in ENG 249 there is a good mix of adults and 13th graders. Our first assignment is to write a poem about "Where We're From". Later on we'll have to attend a poetry or book reading, do a series of poems, an essay, and a short story.

I'm thinking about Tennessee, people there, and plans to be made.

Posted by Aaron at 8:18 PM | Permalink | Comments

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

No Dark Sarcasm In the Classroom

Today was my first day of school. Well, night really. I was hoping that the pattern of taking night classes in community college would hold true: that the average student would be slightly older and more mature than the 13th grade that's around during daylight hours.

Wrong.

Parking was ridiculously bad, but luckily, so is enforcement. I parked on a red curb without a parking decal, and didn't get a ticket; I was certainly not the only person there parked illegally. Maybe they just gave up? Circling a lot for 20 minutes is not my idea of a fun time, so I was in a fine mood when I finally found the "H" Building at the opposite end of the campus from where I parked. So, tonight's class was Logic and Critical Thinking. Turns out the prof is a fellow named Josef who spends his time translating Nietschze from Deutsch to English. Charming guy, he repeatedly insulted Muslims and non-Europeans in general. I also learned quite abit about the phenomenon of graduate students teaching undergrad classes in most colleges. I knew the TA thing happened sometimes, but not all the time. So I ask you, readers who are in and who have been in college. What percentage of your classes were taught by someone barely older than you who had no credentials to teach? That's very disturbing. What all of this had to do with Logic is anyone's guess...it was a 3 hour class with about 15 minutes of material: forgivable since this was the first day. But this guy is gonna get insufferable if every class is full of him hectoring the students about the educational system.

Can't WAIT until Thursday.

Posted by Aaron at 10:05 PM | Permalink | Comments

Monday, February 06, 2006

MANIMALS!

Animal Farm Raided

FBI, BATF, FFA Storm “Compound” After Tense Standoff

Only days after President Bush’s State of the Union address where he vowed to protect Americans from human-animal hybrids, federal law enforcement and the Future Farmers of America acted decisively to round up and arrest the leaders of a hybrid gang. The innocently named “Jones farm” was the scene of a standoff for hours Saturday as human-animal hybrids, known as “Manimals” tried to negotiate a political settlement with federal officials. The FBI was unsure as to their role until the President’s speech. As soon as Mr. Bush made his opinions known, agents swung into action.

The leader of the manimals, one “Snowball” apparently held the small family farm in a dictatorial tyranny, masquerading as a worker’s paradise. Collectivized agriculture, lack of freedom of expression, and outright hostile actions were referred to as “Animalism”. The manimals were capable of human speech, writing and unfortunately human ambitions. The deviance was first uncovered by an anonymous tip from a contact mysteriously codenamed “Moses”, whose testimony led to the NSA disguising a microphone and radio transmitter as a brick. The NSA claims it was acting to protect Americans and so did not need a warrant. As animals are not citizens of the United States, USSID 18 and the FISA do not apply in this instance.

The creatures in the farm were demanding tax exempt status as they claimed Animalism was a religion, exemplified by 7 commandments, and an afterlife in the Big Sugar Candy Mountain. Originally the FBI was planning on instituting a regime change for the oppressed manimals toiling under the reign of “Snowball” and his lieutenant “Napoleon” but instead opted to seize and arrest all the inhabitants of the Jones Farm, on charges of being human-animal hybrids. The raid was undertaken with minimal casualties. One of the manimals, Muriel, was slightly injured when she tried to eat he disguised NSA brick in protest, but no other injuries were reported.

-Aaron Sheehan

(Above is on LittleManMag's Myspace...the new clearinghouse for Alan and mine's stuff. Search for littlemanmag@gmail.com to find Danish cartoons, and more!)

Posted by Aaron at 8:43 PM | Permalink | Comments

lighthouse, tall and grand, standing on a cold headland

It's been brought to my attention that a lot of people in Shreveport read this blog. While I'd like to write about S-port, I cant say anything original that you all don't already know: and the rest of the readership here couldn't be presuaded to care about it. Sorry. Usually when I tell people I'm from Shreveport, they say, "oh yeah, I drove through there once". There ya go...flyover country, red state America. It's a great place to be from. Past tense. I like a lot of things about it, but...well, I couldn't get a decent job there unless I got into healthcare or blackjack.

Alan is going to publish the Eisley article...in fact, he got a band photo and after I told him the saga of getting gang-tackled by legions of fanboys and the band's parents...Let There Be Publishing!
I had planned on vetting the article, and getting approval from the band first, but that seems unlikely. Heh! Also, I might just wankle my way into music journalism at Bonnaroo in TN. Unpaid, of course, but great fun. I'm glad the internet is providing me with free practice shots at writing. Speaking of writing, college starts this week. The better stuff I end up writing will probably end up here, because nobody else is going to publish an essay on why San Diego is shallower than a dried up puddle.

Speaking of country aphorisms: this was overheard in the plane as we landed in Vegas from Shreveport:
"Well, Ah'm jes' confused as a goose. Mah cell phone clock just changed times while I was looking at it! How'd it know ah was in Vegas?" This guy was sitting in front of me, and he talked about this with the entire plane for a good 5 minutes. A lot of people on that plane had never flown before, and were fascinated by things like overhead luggage bins, and time zones.

By the way, I'm collecting sightings of "human-animal hybrids". After POTUS mentioned the threat from them in his SOTU address, I am positive some of you have seen them. So e-mail, and we can push for some sort of color-coded alert system.

Posted by Aaron at 4:01 PM | Permalink | Comments

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Pull me out of the air crash

Such a lot has happened, so much distance traveled, many people seen. Lots to parse, but it's late...I am attempting to set some of it down here so that I'll have less to do tomorrow. Tomorrow, which is Superbowl Sunday. Yeah, blogging and thinking won't be on my list of things to do. Tuesday I drove up to Los Angeles, and met up with Jonathan and Alana, whi just got back from a long several months backpacking through interior China, New Zealand, Fiji, and the Cook Islands. They flew in to LAX..the idea was that I would spend a few days showing them around San Diego, but alas they were so ahead fo schedule that I had already made plans to fly back to Louisiana. So I very, very quickly drove up the 5 to LA...2 hours or so, we met up and I got to talk to someone who I haven't seen in years. So, all you liberated young people out there who want to Make A Difference, and everyone who really wants to do something worthy of an indie-rock anthem and backpack through a strange country and work at organic farms, and stay in hostels...these are the people to talk to. They've done it, son, and have notes. I saw Hollywood just by hanging around them, their glamour is so strong...and I have the anti-Bush stickers and papers to prove it. Imagine what 24 hours in their presence would accomplish...

I will blog more when I'm not in a crappy airport WiFi location. Also, when I'm a bit more coherent and have had sleep .

And thanks to the humour sophisticated over at LC. Viva La Revolucion!

PS Coachella lineup announced! yay!

PSPS Bonnaroo lineup annoucned! Shit! It's better than Coachella's!

PSPSPS I have been without internet for several days due to being in Louisiana. So hence the delay in an otherwise punctual blog. Sorry about that, especially since more people read this than I thought.

Posted by Aaron at 11:13 PM | Permalink | Comments

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