MANIMALS!
Animal Farm Raided
FBI, BATF, FFA Storm “Compound” After Tense Standoff
Only days after President Bush’s State of the Union address where he vowed to protect Americans from human-animal hybrids, federal law enforcement and the Future Farmers of America acted decisively to round up and arrest the leaders of a hybrid gang. The innocently named “Jones farm” was the scene of a standoff for hours Saturday as human-animal hybrids, known as “Manimals” tried to negotiate a political settlement with federal officials. The FBI was unsure as to their role until the President’s speech. As soon as Mr. Bush made his opinions known, agents swung into action.
The leader of the manimals, one “Snowball” apparently held the small family farm in a dictatorial tyranny, masquerading as a worker’s paradise. Collectivized agriculture, lack of freedom of expression, and outright hostile actions were referred to as “Animalism”. The manimals were capable of human speech, writing and unfortunately human ambitions. The deviance was first uncovered by an anonymous tip from a contact mysteriously codenamed “Moses”, whose testimony led to the NSA disguising a microphone and radio transmitter as a brick. The NSA claims it was acting to protect Americans and so did not need a warrant. As animals are not citizens of the United States, USSID 18 and the FISA do not apply in this instance.
The creatures in the farm were demanding tax exempt status as they claimed Animalism was a religion, exemplified by 7 commandments, and an afterlife in the Big Sugar Candy Mountain. Originally the FBI was planning on instituting a regime change for the oppressed manimals toiling under the reign of “Snowball” and his lieutenant “Napoleon” but instead opted to seize and arrest all the inhabitants of the Jones Farm, on charges of being human-animal hybrids. The raid was undertaken with minimal casualties. One of the manimals, Muriel, was slightly injured when she tried to eat he disguised NSA brick in protest, but no other injuries were reported.
-Aaron Sheehan
(Above is on LittleManMag's Myspace...the new clearinghouse for Alan and mine's stuff. Search for littlemanmag@gmail.com to find Danish cartoons, and more!)
