MobileChelonian

I just got solicited to subscribe to my daily newspaper. This by itself isn't remarkable – those persistent salespeople are always calling my phone, or sending me polite, desperate letters showing me how much they've managed to shave off the price of home delivered news...please, won't I subscribe? But not five minutes ago, a goateed man knocked on my door, handed me a bulky package, and said that he was here to give me my free newspaper. Now, my first thought was that this was a poorly dressed missionary with some wacky church tract, and my heart leapt with glee at the thought of having sport with some Fundamentalists. But instead, he tried to get me to subscribe to the local respectable newspaper, which I had to decline because frankly it's not that good. But I still got my bulky package, which I assumed to be today's newspaper.

I was right, but, as a kicker, there was also a Spiderman comic bundled with it. A 1963 edition, poorly written, ridiculously dated issue of Spiderman. I am unsure how to treat this. By handing me the comic with the newspaper, am I to assume that this comic is on par with the newspaper? By giving me the story of a young journalist who fights crime, am I to assume that the producers of my local paper fight crime, and this is some sort of bizarre cry for help? Will Spidey get a date with that gosh darn Mary Jane? Jeepers, she sure is cutes! Perhaps it is a subtle reference to the idea that the media creates its own reality by reporting on it, the way Peter Parker creates Spiderman by taking his own picture.

OK, look, the only people who would find this amusing are comic book nerds, who don't care about news, and eight year olds, likewise. So why this weird mashup? The message seems to be that by subscribing to my paper, I will also be able to follow the madcap adventures of a superhero who has been around since my Dad was a kid. There is a terrible parallel here though...Spiderman is now three major motion pictures, and a slew of video games. By handing me a reprint from 1963, the paper is unwittingly reinforcing the main reason nobody subscribes to papers anymore. They're old! They're out of date! They're poorly written, (like this comic) and rely solely on nostalgia for sales.

Also, the inside flap of the comic has an ad for a coupon clearning house called SmartSource.com which says “The website where super-Mom's can save up to $85 with free printable grocery coupons!”
This is patently ridiculous and offensive. Everyone knows women can't use the internet.

Posted by Aaron on Tuesday, November 28, 2006 at 9:39 PM | Permalink